You're Beautiful! Don't believe me? Ask them:

So, we all want a happily ever after right? I mean obviously, because no one wants a sadly ever after. We all want to be loved, cherished, and seen for exactly who we are: Daughters of the King. Sometimes it seems like the entire world is telling us to settle for less than we deserve. “Just go for it, you won’t have any regrets once you do it. You’ll be free.” Guess what, there are regrets. Romance without regret is worth waiting for. If you want a good and Godly man you have to be a good and Godly woman. Sometimes it just seems easier to go with the flow of society than to live counter-culturally. Sometimes you really do just want to settle if only to have that one moment of being loved and cherished. But you’re not being loved and cherished when you settle, you’re being used, and you knew that all along. Don’t be afraid to be single, the One who holds the pen is writing your love story. The single state before marriage or religious vocation is as much of a gift from God as finding out what your vocation is! It is a time to fall in love with Jesus! He is the perfect gentleman, He knows how to woo you, He desires a relationship with you and He will pursue you forever. You have probably heard the saying: “A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man must seek Him in order to find her.” But do you really know what it means? Your heart should be completely shrouded in His mystery and love. If you don’t love God with all your heart, mind and soul than you will never be happy in a relationship with a guy. It is in Christ that we find our identity as a woman! And that, my dear, is the true essence of femininity, when a woman is so lost in her Lord that the guy has to find her in Him.

Being the essence of femininity sounds like an imposing job, however you must keep one thing in mind: to be a woman is a gift from God, one of His most precious gifts that He can bestow on a human being. You are a gift to the world and the world would not be the same if you were not in it. 

Because it is so hard to know what is really worth waiting for in today's society I recently interviewed eleven young men to let you know that there are guys out there who are worth the wait! Their ages and relationship status’s range from single, in a relationship, engaged, married, and in discernment for the priesthood. Here is what they had to say:

Question one: What do you think when you see a woman who is dressed modestly?

“Modesty is the beauty of women”~Gaelic Proverb

Robert: I think one thing that is greatly overlooked regarding modesty is that women can be very attractive and still respect themselves enough to dress modestly. I find women dressed modestly to be very pretty and I think too often our culture teaches girls that modest means frumpy and unattractive and that being scantily clad is the only way that guys can find a girl attractive and that’s just not true.

Aaron: when I see a woman dressed modestly, I am happy to see that she is not wearing clothing that is shorter than her finger nails! Too often are there teens and women who want to show off the body. The body is a sacred gift from God, and when these women try to show off "what they got" It diminishes the sacredness of the body and the moral aspect of God.

Matt: I REALLY really appreciate a woman who is dressed modestly. It helps prevent the temptation to disrespect that woman by looking at her in the wrong way, and helps me admire her beauty in a pure light. And I can't describe how much I appreciate it when the woman helps me respect her by dressing modestly.

Josh: This is a woman who knows her value and dignity.

Chase: I think that it is really good that they can cover up!

Vinny: as guys we often notice the women who are dressed immodestly more than we do the modest dressed ladies, as unfortunate as that may sound. In Church when I see a woman who is dressed immodestly it honestly distracts me from the presence of God. But I also notice those women who have enough love for God to dress modestly. If a woman is immodest I often ask myself “what are they coming to Church to do?” Because they should certainly know that God isn’t wooed by how short their skirt is or their low cleavage. I am always amazed by the woman who cares enough to dress in a manner that is not distracting to others. When one is modest it is a sign that she doesn’t need to show off her body to feel good about herself. She knows that she is loved for what is on the inside not the outside.

Chris: I appreciate that she respects herself and the people around her by not wearing clothes that would lead to thoughts that might be both disrespectful and sinful.

Fonzie: My first reaction in seeing an immodestly dressed woman (after quickly looking away of course) is to ask myself why? I guess I don't really understand why someone would present themselves in such away. I question if they actually want that attention or if they have been pressured into dressing that way because society tells them that is the only way for guys to notice them.

Nate: I think it’s really great when girls dress modestly. When girls are dressed inappropriately, it seems like all they want is attention and they are seeking it out in the wrong ways. Dressing modestly shows independence and confidence; it proves that you don’t need to show off your body in order to impress people.

Paul: I don't have any one thought on this. There could be several reasons why women would dress modestly. One thing you do know is that she's not trying to attract men with her body parts.

Jacob: It tells me that she takes the teachings of our Holy Catholic Church about modesty seriously.

 Question: two: What would you say to the statement: “guys should learn to control themselves; I can dress the way I want”? (I have seriously heard this on numerous occasions, so I thought I would address this issue head-on.)

Modesty is never over-rated...a little mystery never hurt anyone.

Robert: Although I agree that men need to learn some self control in this culture, women should be showing themselves (and their bodies) the respect they deserve. A woman dressing modestly reminds men that they are God's daughters and should be treated like the princesses of the Kingdom that they are. In this way, men are then required to act like princes worthy of the Kingdom.

Aaron: I would say to that statement; I have controlled myself, can't you see that I am dressed modestly and not trying to put myself out there to be seen as easy to get? Why would you do that to yourself? What is the point of being easy to get? It’s immoral action.

Matt: Yes, we have to do our part in controlling ourselves, but why make it harder to control ourselves? You really don't want the attention of the guys that objectify you in your immodest clothing, so why not help out the guys who do respect you, and ultimately do deserve your attention? If women understood the effect dressing immodestly had on the men they were around, most of them would never even think about dressing immodestly again. No matter what any girl might say, no girl wants to be looked at or treated with anything less than the respect she deserves. Dressing immodestly causes men to look at that woman in a lustful way. Period. Fact.
Women don’t, and will never understand how physically and sexually driven men are. It's the way God made us, and it's completely normal. But it's our jobs, as men, to keep the sex drive that God gave us pure. Please help us, the ones who care about your dignity and want to respect you.

Josh: I totally think that a guy SHOULD strive to see every woman with the eyes of Christ, regardless of the way she dresses. A guy certainly shouldn't make excuses. However... neither should the woman! What sense is there in saying: “He shouldn't sin, but I totally can.”? If a woman loves the men in her life, and respects herself, she is going to reflect that in the way she dresses. And the fact of the matter is that many guys are NOT seeking to see their sisters with the eyes of Christ, or are in the process of attaining it, and need the help of the women in their lives.

Vinny: First off it is natural for guy to be attracted to a girl, if it was not so I don’t think we would have children. With that being said when a girl wears immodest clothes the man looks at that and begins to make assumptions about the girl, without even thinking. It is incredibly hard to not begin to think about sexual things once we have seen something immodest. And the images that we create in our heads stay with us for a long time.

Chris: We really do not have complete control over our thought processes and are very easily led to sin. To minimize the opportunity for sin as much as possible is paramount.

Fonzie: My response to that statement is yes. I agree we should learn to control ourselves we should learn to respect our fellow sisters and not turn them into an object of lust. But I would also say that just as men should learn these things women should also learn to control themselves and how they dress. Every time a woman dresses immodestly, whether she intentionally does this or not, she causes her fellow brothers to sin. She calls for that attention and degrades herself. My favorite thing to compare this to is a recovering alcoholic… You can't put a bottle in front of a recovering alcoholic and expect him not to think about drinking it this is impossible!

Nate: I think there’s a bit of truth in it. We men should be able to control ourselves. However, that doesn’t really give women an excuse to dress in a way that is disrespectful to themselves and/or to their beliefs. Show us that you have self-esteem by dressing in an appropriate fashion; that’s much more attractive than women dressing “however they want.”

Paul: That statement is either very selfish, ignorant of human nature, or both. Men are visual by nature and are easily prone to lust in their fallen condition. It is unfortunate if a woman does not know this or does not care about this.

Jacob: I would say that you can't have both. If you dress immodestly then you will only find guys that are attracted to your looks. You may not find a guy that you can truly trust and build a solid relationship with. If you want to find the guy that loves you for the person you are and wants to live out God's plan for you two, you need to be modest. Apart from the fact that you are causing others to sin! Dressing immodestly around guys is a sin in itself too, we are not supposed to put others in the near of occasion of sin. I am not saying that guys don't need to learn to control themselves, they do. This is because immodesty is all over the place! Our culture is called the "Culture of Death" for a reason! Do you want to be a part of this? Our lady and our Church teach us very well about what modesty is. All you need to do is find out! It is the duty of a woman to pay attention to these things.

Question three: What are your thoughts about a woman's confidence?

Confidence is your best accessory, never leave home without it.

Robert: Take pride in your femininity. Don’t shy from being the woman God called you to be. Don’t let this culture of sex tell you that you’re worth anything less than all God's Kingdom has to offer.

Aaron: a woman must have self confidence; otherwise she will not fulfill her moral obligations. If a woman is insecure, most will look for something that will fill that insecurity; for example, sex. Most insecure people want to be wanted and use sex as a means of being wanted. Again, that is immoral (unless married; even then the woman should not be insecure).

Matt: A woman's confidence is so important! There is nothing more attractive than a woman who is confident in who she is. One of the things I hate most is when girls put themselves down in one way or another, calling themselves fat, ugly, etc. Love yourself! If I'm looking for a wife, confidence is key. The woman must love herself and God before she can ever love me. I don't want her to mask her insecurities with my affection.

Josh: Confidence is one of the most attractive traits in a woman--a confidence that flows from knowing that her worth and dignity are rooted and unshakeable in Christ. A guy is not going to bring ultimate fulfillment and affirmation to a woman, no matter how great he is--only God can do that (and vice versa). And that truth, and the confidence that flows from it, is one of the most important foundation blocks for strong friendships and marriages. 

Vinny: Women’s confidence, first off I often wonder how sometimes girls can be so dismal, there are girls who I have to spend most of my conversations with convincing them that they are beautiful. I know at times the girl likes the guy and really likes being told they are beautiful. Although they continue to tell the guy that they aren’t. As a guy I think it’s ok to tell a girl that she is beautiful, but a guy doesn’t like having to convince a girl constantly that she is. A guy likes a girl who is confident in herself and can live without being constantly told that she is beautiful ironically the guy generally will tell her she is beautiful more if she is more confident.

Chris: Confidence, for any person, is a fragile thing that can be very easily destroyed or supported, and it should be respected in such a manner.

Fonzie: A woman with confidence is rare to come by (and I mean confidence not narcissism, because believe me there is a difference!) She is one that recognizes her dignity as a beautiful human being and when this is seen in a woman boy does it show. She is the "rose in a field of daisies" as the saying goes. I believe this is the most attractive thing for any man to see. I say this because it shows that the woman is mature and like I mentioned before this is a huge plus. 

Nate: Every woman should be confident. Heck, every man should be confident, too. It sounds cheesy, but we’re all unique and we all have traits that we should celebrate and embrace. Women should be happy with who they are. There are far too many self-conscious young ladies out there. It’s really sad.

Paul: Similar to men, over-confidence can be bad and under-confidence could be a problem. Personally, of the two I would prefer under-confidence. A man likes to be the catalyst in building up a woman's confidence by his love.

Question four: What is the biggest way a woman can respect you?

“When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls. Her husband, entrusting his heart to her, has an unfailing prize.” Proverbs 31:10-11

Robert: I think that the best way a woman can respect me is to help me on the path to God as much as she can. And, yes, in some cases, that means holding me not to her standards, or even the cultures standards regarding purity, but to Gods standards.

Aaron: The biggest way a woman could respect me is by recognizing the Christ in me. If she loves me with all of her heart (as a friend or married) instead of being infatuated (foolishly in love) with me, respect my values and morals and me in general. I will give the utmost respect you deserve.

Matt: Dressing modestly is a big thing girls can do to respect me. It helps me love her, God, and myself. I know in the context of a relationship, never pushing to go farther physically. I speak for myself, but probably most men also when I say, in the heat of the moment we probably won't push you to go farther, but if you ask, it's nearly impossible to say no. Also, SAY NO if any guy ever tries to go too far! Another thing. I know I would never comment on how "hot" a girl is (ever) but especially when there are other girls around. Because I know most girls probably wouldn't appreciate that. But it really bothers me when girls say that same stuff about guys, when other guys are around. Like, "Zac Efron is sooo hottt, have you seen his abs?!? So sexy!" It makes us feel, in all honesty, pathetic. Guys are more than a "sexy body" on a TV screen. There's a difference between admiring someone's physical attractiveness, and lusting after that person. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, girls can lust too, and I don't appreciate it when they make it public, especially right in front of me. Affirm the respectable guys in your life, and make them feel appreciated. It makes us feel good about our manhood when we get affirmed by a girl. (An easy way for woman to do this is to let us be chivalrous) 

Josh: First, become a saint. And challenge/encourage him to become a saint. Second, learn the unique love languages of the guys in your life, and affirm him in his gifts, talents, and abilities. If a woman tends to experience insecurity in her appearance, a guy tends to experience insecurity in his abilities, in "having what it takes." 

Chase: The biggest way a woman can respect a guy is to cover up and dress modestly so that we are not tempted.

Vinny: By first off understanding that while I’m in high school I have more important things to do, rather than focusing on getting married or even dating. Although dating is good (at times) I believe that dating is meant to find a spouse and you shouldn’t really be looking for a spouse if you can’t support a family. When a girl wants a guy to put her at the center of his entire life in high school that’s is just selfish, there is no way that a guy can fulfill his duties to study well and serve this girl; so he is in the long run possibly doing damage to his future.

Chris: By honoring the roles that God has given us and respecting my duty as a man of God by helping me lead a moral life.

Fonzie: I would say that the biggest way a woman could respect me ties in with the modesty thing. It really does mean a lot when a woman dresses modestly.

Nate: I really appreciate when a young woman takes the time to get to know me and engage in actual conversations. A lot of times, I feel like girls rely on the man to carry the discussions and that puts a lot of pressure on us! So, I guess the biggest way a woman can respect me is by respecting herself. See yourself as an equal contributor to the relationship, and that goes for friendships as well as romantic relationships.

Jacob: A woman can respect me by being a modest person in her actions and deeds. It is also important for a woman to respect a man's time. Too many young women are "pushy."

 Question five: How important is it to you that your future bride remains pure, follows the Will of God to her best ability, is caring and gentle, helps you get to Heaven, and makes you want to be a better man? What are any statements you have about a woman doubting her ability to fulfill this?

 “When a man and a woman are united by true love, each one takes on the destiny, the future of the other, as his or her own.” Blessed John Paul II

Robert: I have only to look at the saints to answer number 5, regarding the woman herself, "To be pure, to remain pure; can only come at a price. This price is knowing your God and loving Him enough to do His will. He will always give us the strength we need to keep purity as something beautiful for Him."~Blessed Mother Theresa. For the man: To defend his purity St. Francis of Assisi rolled in the snow, St. Benedict threw himself into a thorn bush, St. Bernard plunged himself into an icy pond. You, what have you done? Don't say that's the way I am, it’s my character, NO! It’s your lack of character. Be a Man! “When you decide firmly to live a pure life, chastity will not be a burden on you; it will be a crown of triumph.” St. Josemaria Escriva 

Aaron: The importance of purity is the only way one can have a great marriage. That being said, people do make mistakes in their pasts and so I do not necessarily hold that against her. As long as she is doing her best to remain pure and wants strives to be holy, I am okay with that. She should always follow the will of God. By doing that, she will be the happiest woman ever, and that is what I would want for my wife. The point of marriage is not only to procreate, but to get your spouse to Heaven. There are many ways to do this; however, doing the will of God seems to work the best. She must be caring and gentle because if you are reckless and angry, you will lose your marriage quickly. If she is virtuous, and depends on morals and virtues that will help me be moral and virtuous. I would say she needs faith in order to fulfill this because without faith, what is the point of life?

Josh: A man of God, a man who will strive to truly honor and respect his wife, knows that the point of it all is heaven. And such a man is going to look for a woman who is eager to accompany him in that adventure and endeavor, and who has those priorities straight. Are any of us able to achieve this on our own? yeah right. But we've been promised the grace of God. Finally, a personal prayer life is essential to attaining this. 

Fonzie: My future bride following God's will is the most important thing to me. As God tells us in the Ten Commandments “I am the Lord your God and you shall not have any other god's before me”, meaning that my future should always put God before anything or anyone else. I have always believed in this. Our Lord is the creator and we are the creation so it is only right that we love and listen to him first. Now remaining pure is also very important. It is how God intends us to be for our future spouses. Now I believe "helping me to become a better man" and "helping me to get to heaven" are both related. As the catechism says "To love is to will the good of the other" (Paragraph 1766) Since I am engaged I can use my own story a bit to give testimony to this answer. My fiancée is exactly this. She helps me every day in the struggles that I may encounter whether they are huge or small; she is there for me physically and spiritually. She is the one person that I know is always in constant prayer and fasting for me and as a result of this I want to be a better man. This drives me to want and do well because I want to be everything that she deserves. I would tell any woman who doubts herself to just trust God, have that faith and put herself in his hands. He will always give us the graces to do these things especially if you are doing this whole heartily, as the great Mother Theresa once said, “God does not ask me to be successful, he asks me to be faithful.”  

Nate: This is extremely important to me! I do understand, however, that we are living under a lot of social pressure. Everyone is going to make mistakes. I would never judge a woman or refuse to date her because she had been impure before. I do, however, think that it is very important to devote yourself to a life of chastity. Before a woman enters into a relationship with me, she’s going to have to understand that the relationship will be 100% chaste. To any woman who is doubting her abilities to remain pure, I would just advise her to pray, pray, pray! Our society doesn’t make it easy to be chaste, but it really can be done. 

Paul: This is extremely important. If a woman believes she doesn't have what it takes to be a good wife she should not feel bad about this. Not everyone is called to marriage; and the only thing that really matters is our relationship with God, who is our ultimate Spouse in this life and throughout eternity.

Jacob: It is very important for a woman to stay pure and follows the Will of God to the best of her ability. If she does not a man does not know if she can be trusted as a wife, or if she will be the right woman to raise a family with. It is also important that she be a woman who will help her husband and future children to grow closer to Christ. This is a married woman's vocation! First to get her husband to heaven, then to get her children to heaven (same for the husband). A man with the vocation of marriage is looking to get to heaven and must find the wife that God sent him to help him on that road. "The best way to discern your vocation is to begin living it now!" The marriage vocation calls both the man and the woman to give themselves entirely to each other. This relationship can be hurt even before they meet; it is hard for a person to devote himself/herself to a spouse with bad memories on his or her mind. Don't be discouraged no matter what kind of life you have lived in the past though! God sent His only son Jesus Christ to give us forgiveness! He is the all powerful healer who will help us get back on the road to salvation. Through the sacraments we receive abundant grace that will shine through us and penetrate deep within us if we let it. The sacrament of Confession will give you the grace you need to persevere on the road that Christ wants you on. To a woman who feels she cannot fulfill these duties I would say that of course you cannot! You need the grace of God through the sacraments in order to follow your vocation! Don't think for one moment that you are expected to take on this challenge and the culture of death alone! Pray to Jesus "Jesus I Trust in You!" often and pray for the strength to battle each day. The rewards in Heaven as well as on Earth are great!

Question six: If you could say one thing to a girl without any awkwardness and/or weirdness what would it be?

“Awkward! Awkward moments! Awkward moments in the life of a student…so there’s this girl she likes this guy, she hopes for a chat and you know why, everyone knows that if they catch you talking you’re getting married!”~Josh Houde, The Awkward Song

Robert: I wish that there was a way to simply tell a young lady, that as a man, I see her as beautiful and a wonderful daughter of the Kingdom. A wonderful Daughter of Mary and I'd really like the chance to get to know each other, as Children of God. But there is no easy way to have that conversation.

Aaron: You are a beautiful blessing sent from God to me. Thank you for everything you have done for me especially your wonderful friendship. You mean a lot to me and I care for you so much. Never let anything get in your way of your faith and always stand strong!

Josh: If I could convey one thing to a girl without any awkwardness or chance of it being misconstrued, I would want her to know the depths of her dignity, worth, and beauty in Christ, and that she need not look anywhere else but Him for complete satisfaction and fulfillment. “Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you.”

Chris: “In your beauty as a creation of God, i see his wonder, and you should too.” So that she can recognize and respect how much God did in creating her in his image.

Fonzie: The one thing I would tell any woman is that she is beautiful. To never sell herself short for any man. Always stand up what you believe and if it is God's will for you to be married then you will find the man who looks at you with eyes of adoration. And if it is God's will for you to have a religious vocation then what better reason do you need to dress modestly and beautifully after all you are God's spouse!

Nate: Oh, goodness. I make things awkward so easily... but I just want all the girls who are reading this to know that they deserve a man, not a boy. They deserve somebody who is going to treat them the way a woman of God should be treated. So many girls go for guys who are kind of losers, and it’s really frustrating to sit on the sidelines and watch this happen to my friends. There are guys out there who will not pressure you, or use you, or belittle you. And every lady deserves a man like that.

You heard it here first ladies! The fact is; there are great guys out there. (And no, they are not all joining the Seminary and/or already married) Don’t be afraid to wait for the one to sweep you off your feet. Now, each of these young men were interviewed separately, notice how they all pretty much say the same type of thing? Because they want you to respect yourselves, respect them, and most importantly they want you to love God. You can see how important modesty is and now there are no excuses not to dress in a respectable manner! 

I want to talk briefly about standards because it is part of our jobs to hold guys accountable and to help them realize that you are a priceless pearl and a Daughter of God. (If he’s worth it than it won’t be hard at all) So, basically your standards are a list of things that you require and/or desire for not only your future husband but all guys around you. I’ve heard people say “that’s too harsh” and “if we don’t settle than no one would get married” these are lies. Firstly, there’s a reason over fifty percent of marriages in America fail, because people do settle! Do not settle for anything less than you deserve. It will only lead to misery. I came up with a list of standards my sophomore year of high school after hearing an empowering talk about them. I divided my list into two sections: Essential and Desirable. On my “Essentials Section” there are things like “He will be nothing less than a Catholic passionately in love with Christ” (That’s priority number one for me). “He will save himself for marriage in every manner”, “He will be respectful to everyone and everything around him”, “He will love God more than me”, and “He will want a big family”. I have 21 standards on my “Essentials Section” and I fully intend to hold my future husband up to all of them. Not because I want him to be perfect, but because I want him to be the very best version of himself possible, and because I know he is fully capable of being all these things. At the same time, I want him to demand all this from me for two reasons, firstly, challenging each other and holding each other accountable is a way for the couple to become closer than they ever imagined outside of marriage. Secondly because just like I’m helping him, I want him to help me become the best version of myself possible. On my “Desirable Section” I have 24 standards (which would make 45 in total and I add to it quite frequently). Some of these are “He will have a good sense of humor”, “His smile will be open and honest, not cocky”, “He will be strong, brave, noble and gallant and he will show the world that chivalry is not dead” and “he will propose on one knee after asking my father for permission” (‘cause I’m a SUCKER for that kind of thing!). So these are basic guidelines, and I encourage you to come up with your own standards list. They will help you guard your heart, they will encourage the young men around you to be better people in general, and they will prove that you are waiting for the perfect gentleman. This is not a one-way street. You have to do your part and respect them by dressing modestly and acting respectable. You say you're worth waiting for? Prove it. 

Lastly I want to leave you with a few tips: Don’t waste your time, does he have Christ as a number one priority? Always keep Christ as your first love and He will take care of the rest. Be yourself, you deserve to be pursued. Only Christ can complete you, no other man. Never make someone a priority if they only consider you an option. True beauty comes from within. Set your standards HIGH! May the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ. +JMJ+