February again with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, hearts, pinkness, flowers, and a general atmosphere of lovesickness, whether you are single or not. During the time when everyone is crossed in love, I want to make sure you know how important it is not to give in to what society has made Valentine’s Day seem. Generally, if you are single on February 14th you feel like you’re the only one in the entire world who hasn’t got a date and you’re probably feeling completely left out. (I will be spending that night reading about Mr. Darcy, so you’re not the only one, trust me.) However if you happen to have a special someone this year, it is commonly acceptable to take your relationship to “the next level”. If you fall in the first category I urge you to be happy about it! Congratulate yourself on the fact that you are single and are courageously waiting for a longstanding relationship which was brought on by a genuine admiration of you and not because of a pretty much random day of the year. “God wants you to be united to Him before you are united to another. This is not simply because God deserves your love above anyone else, but because He wants you to be able to express His love. Only then will you be able to truly love anyone in this life.” ~Jason Evert (from his book “Purity 365”). Instead of mourning your single state rejoice in the knowledge that you have a bigger mission to fulfill before you are able to truly love another person. Your mission is to fall in love with Jesus. Spend this St. Valentine’s Day with Him, pray with Him, write a letter to Him; go to Mass or Eucharistic Adoration with Him. As said by Matt Maher, “today is the first day of the rest of your life,” and today is the day when you can give yourself in all your singleness and brokenness to Our Lord.
If you’re not happy single then you will never be able to find true happiness in a relationship. Because every human being is made by God and for God we long to be with Him. We long for Him from our innermost being because that’s what we were created for, to love and serve Him. Until we find Him in ourselves and invite Him into our daily lives, until we find fulfillment in Him, there is no point in getting in a relationship. Now, if you’ve not heard this before you probably think I sound like a gigantic prude, but listen! If you go into a relationship thinking that it will solve all your problems (such as self-esteem issues in school), you will end up adding more problems to your life because you will be looking for what only God can give you in another person. Only God can give you complete peace, only He can give you the perfect love you deserve, and He is the only one who will stay in a relationship with you even if you turn away from Him. If you are looking for any of these things in a relationship with another person, that person will always fall short since every human is flawed and cannot love as God loves. But this is because humanity is broken and in our brokenness we turned away from God and started looking for His presence in material things, including relationships. Now is the time to turn back to God and ask Him to fill your life with the same love that urged Him up the mountain to be executed. Do not seek out love, wait and it will come to you. “I adjure you, Daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and the does of the field, do not awaken or stir up love until it is ready.” Song of Songs 2:7. Love is ready when God decides it is ready, not when you want it to be and certainly not for a holiday.
The 14th happens to be a Tuesday this month which means there will be school and everyone is going to be exchanging little gifts and candy hearts with “I ♥ you” on it. I don’t know about all of you, but I don’t want “I ♥ you” I want “I love you” because “I love you” actually means “I want only you, I want all that you are, and I want to give myself to you forever.” The promise someone makes to you when they say “I love you” is not for a one day stand, note the word “forever”. You may feel left out if you don’t get notes from a secret admirer (they are creepers anyway. Just go up to the girl and say what you need to say! Don’t stalk her…Gosh). You will probably lament the fact that the people around you are saying “OMG did you hear they are going out tonight?” “O.M.G. he totally ditched her!” “OMGOMGOMG!” yeah, that’s how I want to spend a revered saint’s feast day, locked in an unending labyrinth of drama… But I urge you to be happy and filled with joy because someday your future spouse will love you all the more for using your single state as a way to draw closer to God before the two of you meet.
Two more things for you single folks, one, I want to give you an idea of how to spend this coming Valentine’s Day:
1. Pray. All day long. You have a lot to pray about. Don’t be like “Hail Mary full of grace… I seriously need a shower; I can’t believe mom let me out of the house today looking like this …Holy Mary Mother of… oh look the neighbor’s dog got out again…pray for us sinners…my brother was soo annoying today when he got the last cookie amen.” Sit in a quiet place, be prepared for distractions which may come up and do your best to block them out. Consider this to be your first date, and you are going out with a King. Wouldn’t you do everything you could not to be distracted while doing your hair/make-up/whatever-it-is-one-does-before-going-out-on-a-date? Give the same courtesy to your God. At a loss of what to pray about? List time:
a. Pray for your future spouse, it’s never too early! He or she is out there RIGHT NOW. Isn’t it a comforting thought that you don’t have to do a single thing in order to find him or her? God has got you covered and He has planned out a perfect love story for you two love-birds…so cute. Pray for him or her to have the courage to remain pure, steadfast in holiness, and to grow in knowledge and love of God. Pray also that the two of you meet at exactly the moment when God wants you to, not when you are lonely.
b. Pray for your family, no matter how silly, ridiculous, crazy, and misguided they may be, everyone needs to be prayed for. God gave you your family as a gift, one that is not to be taken lightly.
c. Pray for your friends, that they come to understand the meaning of authentic love and that they remain chaste this Valentine’s Day.
d. Pray for all those who do not know God’s love and forgiveness. So many people do not know His mercy and think it is too late for them, it is never too late. Pray they come to realize this.
e. Finally pray for yourself, that God will give you strength to overcome the temptations that are all around you. Also that He will guard you from those who don’t understand the way you live, but we must always pray for them too. Pray that He will show you what your vocation in life will be and that you have the courage to follow what He is calling you to do.
2. Write a letter(s) to your future spouse, seal it up, and when the time is right you will know when to give it to him or her.
3. Never miss an opportunity to evangelize! Most likely there will be other people in your school/social circle that won’t have anyone this year, tell them all about the blessing of their single state.
The second and last thing I have for those who are single this year on Valentine’s Day is something I wrote a while ago called “Waiting”:
They say true love waits, that love is patient, and love is kind, that it’s worth waiting for.
To say all the little “no’s” for the bigger “yes” and to remember that there’s someone out there for each of us.
They say that there is a happily ever after for everyone who follows Gods plan, to be patient; to wait.
I’m waiting for the one to sweep me off my feet, I’m waiting for my old fashioned love story, I’m waiting for a Taylor Swift song to fit my life.
Is it crazy to fall in love with someone I haven’t met? No, it’s never too early to pray for that special someone. Never too early to imagine your first dance as a married couple, your first child.
They say to remember that love is not just a feeling; it is not the way someone looks at you, or the way someone speaks to you. Love is indescribably beautiful; it is why God created us.
What if God is calling me to serve Him in His ministry? To be called as a priest or religious is no different, with Jesus as your spouse; there is no higher honor.
I’m waiting to hear Gods call, I’m waiting to witness my life go by filled with love and laughter.
They say to wait, and I will.
“Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity.” ~1 Timothy 4:2
Now for all of you who fall in the second category and who are in a relationship for Valentine’s Day. Like I said this is a day that pressures couples to take their relationship to the next level whether they are “ready” to or not. It is important to understand the benefits of a chaste friendship before the actual (still chaste) dating or courtship stage can take place. “It is not weakness to desire love. The weakness is when we settle for less than love” ~Crystalina Evert. When we are pressured to take the relationship to the next level and do so, we are not desiring love, we are giving in to weakness, sin, and a lie. Honestly if you’re in high school still and desire a long lasting relationship that will lead to marriage…what is the point of dating? Pros of not dating while in high school: 1. it is way easier to get to know the other person in a group setting for a couple of years. 2. It takes years to get to know someone well enough that you want to marry them, which is why engagements usually last about a year, it’s another stage in a relationship that enables the couple to make bigger decisions together and get to know each other more and more every day (p.s. a chaste engagement means you are practicing chastity. In other words, no living together before or after you are engaged, that is for married couples only!). 3. High school is four years; at least one person in the couple wants to continue his or her schooling, probably both. Which means there are at least eight years before you can get married if you start a serious relationship freshman year of high school, do you really want to be tied down and have to grow up that fast? And do you really think either of you will be the same person after so much time? It’s great to be friends in a group, awesome even, but save the seriousness of getting to know one another in a personal way for when you are actually ready to commit. For those of you in high school: don’t grow up too fast, enjoy your friends and family first, and then get to know the guy or girl when you are ready for long term (not when you think you are ready, when you are ready. Meaning when you can actually say “I do” in a few years). For young adults: this is a huge transition from high school to college or college to career! But focus on getting to know God, you don’t have to seek out your future spouse, He will bring you two together at the perfect moment. So what are benefits of being “just friends”? Firstly, as I said before, it is so much easier to get to know the other person when there is no awkwardness whatsoever with the thought that you have to do everything to please the other. Once you become great friends and can laugh, joke, talk seriously or not, be in a foul mood in front of the other, snort when laughing, shoot water out your nose while laughing, trip and fall flat on your face in front of them, sing completely off key together karaoke style, and talk with them about the most important things in your life without any embarrassment, then you can decide whether or not you want to be in a long term relationship with the person. All of that reminds me of a hilarious quote I found a few years back: “You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running through fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.” (I’d probably laugh anyway…and then go help him up obviously……) Secondly, when you are friends there is absolutely no risk of endangering your heart. Guarding your heart is definitely not as easy as it may sound, especially for a girl (I know from personal experience!). Basically what it means is to expect nothing but an honest, open friendship between the two of you when entering into the friendship in the first place. However, in her novel Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen really hits the nail on the head when she put: “a lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony, in a moment.” ~Mr. Darcy. I love this line because it is true even if we don’t want to believe it. That is not to say that a girl expects a ring to be on her finger a.s.a.p. but it does say that ladies long to be loved. This goes back to my statement that you will never be happy in a relationship if you are not happy single. Find your identity in Christ first then everything will be so much easier!
This Valentine’s Day, if you are in a relationship, do not take everything to “the next level” but use it as an opportunity to get to know one another better. Talk about things that are important to you and listen when the other person talks about what is important to them. Do something that will force you to go out and don’t give sin or the temptation to sin the opportunity to do any damage to your relationship or to yourselves. Go on a walk, out to dinner or a picnic although it might be a little chilly!
Guys: Who made up the rule that you have to get physical every time you are alone?? No one. Try just holding her hand and walking along.
Girls: a little modesty goes a long way, respect him by dressing appropriately.
Guys: make sacrifices and do something she likes that maybe you don’t want to do, it’ll give you mega bonus points, just saying.
Girls: same to you; do you really think he wants to sit through five hours of chick flicks? Seriously. Go ride a bike or something, get active!
To both of you: 1. since when did old fashioned dancing become, well, old fashioned? Try learning some new moves that respect the dignity of the human body. 2. Going out for pizza and a movie might sound lame, but I always thought it would be totally fun! Maybe even a drive in movie place! 3. Somewhere really cool where you two can just hang out and talk, some bonding time never hurt anyone. 4. Find something you both like to do, cooking, biking, canoeing, fishing (hey, you never know guys…she might really dig pulling a writhing fish off a hook.) 5. Have fun its only awkward if you make it awkward! There is no rule that says you can’t laugh at nothing and everything at the same time. Forget what society says about dating and act like complete fools if you want to. Guys: let her know that she can be herself around you by being yourself around her. Girls: be confident! You don’t know how charming you really are.
So all in all I wish everyone, single or no, a happy St. Valentine’s Day. I pray you come to know God’s love and find fulfillment in Him. May the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ. +JMJ+
